A New Mosaic

There is a song that through this journey that I have been forced to embark on that resonates so deeply inside of me on a couple different levels.
The lyrics go as follows:
This might hurt, it’s not safe;
But I know I gotta make a change.
I don’t care if I break, at least I will be feeling something.
‘Cause just okay is not enough; Help me fight through the nothingness of this life.
I don’t want to go through the motions,
I don’t want to go one more day
Without your all consuming passion inside of me.
I don’t want to spend my whole life asking
What if I had just given everything
Instead of going through the motions.
No regrets, not this time
I’m going to let my heart defeat my mind.
Let your love make me whole
I think I am finally feeling something.

My whole life for the last, well, a lot of years have been spent in just going through the motions. I have gone through life just going through it. I have gone through the motions in my marriage and in my spiritual life ( and pretty much anywhere else in my life).
The line in this song that says I don’t care if I break, at least I will be feeling something, is where I am at right now.
I am broken…shattered…laying here on the floor in pieces. Don’t mistake that for sitting around my house crying my eyes out or walking around whimpering. But nonetheless, I am broken. It’s a great place to be after years of just going through my life like a zombie, serving others at the expense of myself (and not even doing that very well, mind you). I am slowly letting God pick up my pieces and putting me back together in some new fabulous mosaic piece of art, that will be far more beautiful than before! The thought of it makes me a little excited!
Nobody broke me. Well, nobody here at least. I feel like God reached in and saw where I was and threw me up against a wall, shattering me so completely.
You might recoil at this thought; Of a God that would be so brutal. I see something different. I see a God that cared way to much about me to let me sit in that deceit, sin, and unhappiness. He knows as much, if not more how, less than happy I have been for such a long time.
He knew my unmet desires and expectations. He knew how afraid I have been of certain things that I would never admit to anyone else. He knew what has been holding me back and covering up the real Amber! He loves me more than anyone could even come close to loving me.
Today, I stood at a crossroads. I needed to make a decision. I believe that I have chosen the right decision, but it is not an easy one. I am still not 100% but maybe that is a good thing. I am just tired of going through the motions and I am not doing it anymore.
So here is to all you broken people out there…may the new mosaic of your life or current situation bring beauty to all that look at you when you are all put together again, and bring beauty to this planet and be an encouragement to others sitting on the floor in pieces!!! CHEERS!!!!